“The Church is this Body of which Christ is the head: she lives from him, in him, and for him; he lives with her and in her. (Catechism, 807)”

This is a simple but surprisingly and wonderfully complete way of describing the total union of Christ with his Church: She—from, in, and for him; He—with and in her.

This is also what Christ’s grace makes possible for married couples. It is such a great power that it’s hard to comprehend. Each spouse can live with, for, from, and in the other. The grace of Christ is a divine power to spouses.

Christ has given me, and all other sacramentally married spouses, the power to live for my spouse. I can work and achieve things daily within our marriage, suffering and excelling, struggling and solving problems. I can do all of that and all for her. I can draw from her what is needed to do all those things. I can do all of that in her name and in her person. She has the power to do all of that simultaneously with me.

By the grace of Christ through the sacrament of marriage, the distinctions between us can dissolve, and it can be uncertain where I end, and she begins. We have been given the power of limitless interconnection. We can choose to see our other selves in each other. Whenever we want, we are two who can truly become one.

Married Catholics should therefore beware not to get faked out by the folklore of insufferable spouses and the corresponding fake lore of impotent grace. Christ gives them the grace of God, who is omnipotent. “Just as of old God encountered his people with a covenant of love and fidelity, so our Savior, the spouse of the Church, now encounters Christian spouses through the sacrament of Matrimony.” Christ dwells with them, gives them the strength to take up their crosses and so follow him, to rise again after they have fallen, to forgive one another, to bear one another’s burdens, to “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ,” and to love one another with supernatural, tender, and fruitful love. In the joys of their love and family life, he gives them here on earth a foretaste of the wedding feast of the Lamb. (Catechism, 1642)”